Funny Jokes Insurance And One Liners Insurance Jokes, insurance agent jokes

Funny Insurance Jokes And One Liners Insurance Jokes, insurance agent jokes

jokes insurance:- Life insurance agent to would-be client:
"Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision.
Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning,
give me a call then and let me know." jokes insurance

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I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

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jokes insurance

An insurance agent visited his local museum and accidentally knocked over a statue.
The museum curator said to him, "That's a six hundred year old statue that you've broken!"
The insurance agent replied, "Thank God for that! I thought it was a new one."

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The telephone pole was approaching fast.
I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

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A doctor, an engineer and an actuary were arguing one day about which was the oldest profession.
The doctor said that as God created Eve from Adam's rib, and this of course was a surgical procedure, so being a doctor must be the oldest profession.

*** life insurance quotes ***

But the engineer replied that before that, God had created order out of chaos, which was an engineering feat and so engineering must be the oldest profession.
The actuary asked, "Yeah, but who created the chaos?"

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My boss said to me, "You must be crazy! How can you issue a life insurance policy to a 108 year old man?"
I said, "As you told me, I applied all the proper, stringent statistical tests. Not a single 108 year old man has died in the last five years.

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An insurance boss was very happy with the year's results so he said to his staff, "As you've all worked so hard this year, I'm going to give you each a check for $5,000. And if you work just as hard next year, I'll think about signing them."

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A cop arrives at the scene of an accident to find a car has smashed into a tree and the driver is till inside. The cop rushes over and asks the driver, "Are you ok?"
The driver replies, "How do I know? I'm not a lawyer."

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What did God say when he created actuaries? He scratched his head and said, "Go figure!"
They took it literally.

*** funny life insurance memes ***

Confucius say needing insurance is like needing a parachute - if it isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing it again.

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My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it's just a waiting game.

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What do accountants use for birth control - their personality.

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Female spiders eat the male spiders after mating -
they know collecting life insurance is easier than child support.

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If irreverent priests are defrocked,
and dishonest attorneys are disbarred,
shouldn't difficult actuaries be deactivated?

*** clever quotes about life insurance ***

Arguing with an insurance adjuster is like wrestling a pig in the mud...
After a while, you realize that he likes it.

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Life insurance is a policy that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.

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"You ought to feel highly honored,"
said the businessman to the life insurance agent,
"so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."
"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them."

*** quotes on insurance business ***

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.

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An actuary is flexible; they are either right, or can prove it to be so.

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A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"We don't need any one," they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing."
"We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell.
If you can sell just one, you have a job."

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What do an insurance policy and a woman have in common?
They are both expensive,
difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.

*** funny insurance quotes ***

Actuaries do it until death, disability or withdrawal.

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What's the difference between a whole life policy and a man?
A whole life policy eventually matures.

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There are worse things in life than death - have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

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You know you're getting old when your insurance company sends you half a calendar.

*** jokes insurance funny***

Two actuaries are duck hunting when they see a duck in the air. They both shoot at it but the first actuary's shot is twenty feet wide to the right.
The second actuary's shot is twenty feet wide to the left.
The actuaries high five each other, because on average they shot it.

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The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

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Actuaries do it with varying rates of interest.

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Q. How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many did it take last year?

*** jokes insurance in English ***

I don't have life insurance because I'm going out of this world the way I came into it... as a burden to my family.

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Do you know how to get an actuary to laugh on a Thursday - tell them a joke on a Monday.

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Insurance agents are premium lovers.

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Can atheists claim on their insurance if it really was an Act of God?

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Insurance agents do it with third parties.

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Would Transformers buy life insurance or car insurance?

*** insurance pick up lines ***

If you enjoyed our selection of funny insurance jokes and one liners then why not check out the rest of our site for more laughs and really funny jokes, such as these:

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Why won't sharks attack brokers... professional courtesy.

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Actuaries do it without risk.

*** jokes insurance ***

Last week I bought a retirement policy.
All I´ve got to do is keep up the payments for 15 years and my agent can retire.

jokes insurance

jokes insurance

jokes insurance

jokes insurance